Red Flags

Ok, so its been a bit since I've posted a dating disaster...not that I'm not still compiling AMPLE data, but nothing has panned out to a complete story yet. So stay tuned, story at 11 (notice, I don't say 11 on which DATE!)
But this flux of dating experience (outside of this too tight circle that I feel I've whirlpooled in for a few years) has caused some discussions about "RED FLAGS." Ones I didn't notice (or did, but ignored), ones we've all seen, ones that at least one of us has experienced or heard at least a 3rd person account of. Some sound ridiculous, some too simple, but you all know these...(and this list is going to be edited as time goes by...)

1. He doesn't call you (see previous dating experience with "happy thumbs") but instead only texts or chats. Inherintly, there's nothing wrong with texting or chatting, but men are lazy. If he can't make it easier on both of you by picking up the phone to see about making plans or ask how your day was, something's up. He's either not single, lying about something that his voice would give away, or a total social reject.

2. He makes the majority of his money illegally. You'd think this was a given, but its surprising how many people who have perfectly good jobs take up side work in the "resale" or "retail" businesses. People are going to find out, you're going to be involved or at least affected...leave it alone. Oh, plus for some reason, this makes guys think they are all around hard asses, and therefore more likely to try to get away with being a "player."

3. Possibly a subcatergory of the above "flag," but men who don't pay their taxes. None of us like them, most of us benefit from them in some way at some time. They're just a fact of life for responsible adults. If he doesn't pay them he's neither responsible or an adult. Again, he's also a guy who thinks he can get away with things - but he won't. And most likely he'll marry you and get his name splashed across your assets moments before he gets caught.

4. Horrible family relationships. Obviously no one gets along with everyone all of the time, BUT I'm talking about those who have cut large portions of family out of their lives. Or really even small. Someone like that is going to be willing to cut anyone out of their lives...doesn't see the importance of family...and won't see the importance of a new family if you create one. Also, this tends to indicate a long line of angry DNA...or even worse, abuse, mental illness, etc. Avoid it.

5. None of your plans include going out in public. Either he's totally cheap, lazy as hell, will get in trouble if he's seen out with a girl, doesn't want to be seen with you, or is running from the law. Really, none of these make for quality relationships, so don't wait to find out which one it is. If he wants to impress you, which he will if he likes you...he will want to come up with something creative for you two to do.

6. He doesn't have any friends. This is like not getting along with your family. Friends are your history, your support, your social network. If there either isn't a soul he has found that can spend time with him, or there isn't a soul he sees fit to spend time with, then why would you want to hang out with him. More importantly, if you become his only friend...he will want ALL your time. He won't understand why you two need to go socialize with YOUR friends, and they probably won't get along anyways. 2 is the lonlinest number...

7. His best friend is a girl...and she's also his roomate, workmate, and his sister's best friend. He's taken...basically married. She won't ever like you, she'll be on half your dates, she'll be there when you guys have a fight, she'll be there when you guys wanna have sex, and she'll be judging constantly. Double extra big flag if she sleeps in his bed, does all his grocery shopping, and organizes his meds. And when you guys break up (after she has a heart to heart about how you've changed him, aka made him less available to him) she'll be there.

8. He doesn't want to have sex with you. This could say a million things about him...but its what a girl believes it says about them that is going to be the problem. This will convince you that you are a direct desendant of Quasimoto and will slowly break down your self-esteem. Its impossible to feel okay when a man in the relationship doesn't want to have sex...and whatever it is that lead to it, will most likely also lead to dumpage shortly...

9. He's a cat guy. Guys should like dogs. Guys should want something strong, loyal, sweet, and personality filled. Also, men are less clean and cats can cause the most diseased, rancid smelling situation without constant upkeep. This argument is poor, but with 100% certainty, every guy I've dated who had a cat was a COMPLETE mental case.

10. He can't make plans more than an hour in advance. Don't listen to his crap about being spontanous, etc. He's waiting for something better to come along, and you're not it. He can have 6 jobs, 3 kids, and single handedly feed a city of poor...he schedules this stuff, and can and WILL schedule you if you're worth it to him.

11. Extreme Mama's Boy. Defined as a guy who's mommy does the majority of his laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, bill paying, decorating, etc. You're never going to measure up. Look up the madonna/whore dichotomy if you don't believe me.

12. (addition) No girl wants to admit it, but nearly everyone has some experience with it, so I'll take one for the team.... He's Married. It should be a given. It IS a given, but these guys can be so sweet and charming, and seem to be so forelorn. Just remember there are two side to every story. No matter how cold, distance, naggy, and demanding his wife is...she has a side too. Part of which turns out that her husband is unfaithful. And despite being all those things, he is still with her and will still be with her most likely long after you're gone. Either because a)she's the only one he ever really wanted, or b) he makes the decision to stay in a miserable situation for one reason or another. Either way, he's a big boy, its his choice, and you aren't going to save hime.


So, if I dated you, Geneen dated/married you, or my hairdresser heard about you...thank you for showing us the light.
Also thank you to my contributors...Geneen, Kaitlyn, Liz, and Susan.

Movie Collection

I love movies, and my (very incomplete) movie collection probably says a lot about me. You be the judge....

Starsky&Hutch, Zoolander, Eddie Murphy:Raw, White Chicks, Old School, Superbad, Grandma's Boy, Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, Mr.Deeds, Big Daddy, Harold&Kumar Go To White Castle, Wayne's World, Wayne's World 2, Superstar, 40 Year Old Virgin, Kung Pow, South Park, Artisocrats, Mallrats, Clerks, Clerks 2, Jay&Silent Bob Strike Back, Baseketball, Saving Silverman, Super Troopers, Office Space, A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman, Grumpy Old Men, Bringing Down the House, 10 Things I Hate About You, Drive Me Crazy, Clueless, The Sweetest Thing, Little Black Book, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Nine Months, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Charlie's Angels, Riding in Cars with Boys, Last Holiday, Mermaids, When Harry Met Sally, Moonstruck, Terms of Endearment, Hope Floats, The Hours, Cutting Edge, Little Women, Princess Bride, Bridget Jones' Diary, Beaches, Steel Magnolias, Girl Interrupted, American Beauty, Sliding Doors, Antwone Fisher, Big Fish, High Fidelity, Almost Famous, Thomas Crown Affair (new), Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, E.T., Edward Scissorhands, Punch Drunk Love, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Happiness, Little Miss Sunshine, Juno, Napolean Dynomite, Dr. Strangelove, Big Lebowski, Groundhogs Day, Caddyshack, The Man with Two Brains, Airplane, Blazing Saddles, History of the World Part 1, Vacation, European Vacation, Some Kind of Wonderful, Risky Business, Overboard, Goonies, Ghostbusters, Space Camp, Short Circuit, Trading Spaces, Ferris Beullers Day Off, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dazed and Confused, Singles, Hedgwig and the Angry Inch, Flash Dance, Dirty Dancing, Moulin Rouge, West Side Story, You'll Never Get Rich, Some Like it Hot, An American in Paris, On The Town, Breakfast at Tiffany's, One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest, Auntie Mame, The Graduate, The Quiet Man, An Office and a Gentleman, Happy Feet, Bug's Life, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Shrek 1,2&3, Snow White, Jungle Book, Annie, Yours Mine and Ours (old), Shanghai Knights, Jackass, The Manchurian Candidate (new), Phone Booth, Cabin Fever, Sex in the City (Seasons 1-5), That 70's Show (season 1), Nightmare Before Christmas, Rocky Horror Picture Show, SNL Best of: Dan Akroyd, Mike Myers, John Belushi, Molly Shannon, Gilda Radner and Steve Martin, So I Married an Axe Murderer, My Best Friend's Wedding, Run Away Bride, Four Weddings and a Funeral, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Wedding Crashers.

Babe-e Dad-e

Ok, I know for a fact I'm not the only who saw their first commercial for Disney Pixar's Wall-E (Waste Allocation Load Lifter -- Earth-Class) and thought...Hey! That's Johnny 5 squished down and animated(ish)! If there's any mystery at all about this baby's daddy...I have the solution.

All I Have to Say About SATC

Don't worry...I won't do a rundown of the movie, how its a little idealistic and predictable for my taste...etc, etc. I enjoyed it to the degree of my expectations, and I'm a HUGE fan of the series.
No...all I'm really going to say is that if you are a guy and you go with your girlfriend, or you are a girl that takes her boyfriend you are serious losers. This is not just a chick flick...this is a culturally female and/or gay male EVENT. And all this says is that you are one of those couples who abandoned all their friends and identities on the side of the single road the second the relationship bus came along and ran your ass over.
To repent, please do the following....remember all your girlfriends? If you don't, check those undialed numbers in your phone...call them and set up something that involves foo foo drinks, foo foo smells and mini forks. While you're gone...send your boyfriend/husband/capteur a la Tom Cruise/little biotch out for drinks with the boys. He doesn't even have to KNOW the boys because either way they shouldn't be "talking" or "connecting"...just have him go to dark, dirty bar where there is crap on the floor and an oversized television with too many pixels showing a contact sport.
If it just so happens that a straight male enjoys SATC in its purest form, first...look up the definition of straight and maybe start "experimenting" and second, just wait. It will be on DVD in a short while and only you and Netflix will know you watched it. Oh, and don't go alone...we assume a man, alone in SATC is going to either murder us or wack off during OUR movie.
(one person gets a free pass on this one...Anne...because she's already seen it twice before...with her family, then with girlfriends, and soon possibly with Matt. If she went to a movie with gratuitous sex with Susan, she has earned it)

The Immortal Bean

7am news...new study out regarding health benefits of 2-6 cups of coffee daily. The study's findings (according to the news caster)? Coffee reduces your chance of dying. Pretty bold statement, considering everyone since the beginning of time has died. And even if that was mispoken...the doctor reporting goes on to mention that although coffee can extend your life (by minutes or years was not distinguished) it can also cause high blood pressure, palpatations, and other health issues. So are we saying those lasting moments of life are going to be spent suffering angina? Perhaps hooked up to tubes and monitors?
This report lead me to 2 conclusions...
1) To all those people thinking that I am losing out on enriching my knowledge by indulging in Adam Sandler, Spongebob, and Rock of Love...at least I come out of those shows entertained, if not any more informed.
2) If you like coffee...drink coffee. Nothing in the umpteen billion years that people have been drinking it have their been any conclusive findings* as to whether its "healthy" or "not healthy." If it feels good drink it. If it doesn't, don't.

*Disclaimer: I didn't look into every coffee research ever done...or ANY for that matter, beyond what I saw this morning. But I figure something conclusive would have made this report null and void...which it was anyways...so there.

Welcome to our world-babies of 2008

Yesterday Finlay Barry was born to my friends Mark and Courtney...he is adorable. He has two of the most kind hearted, fun, witty people as parents, and it will be fun to see the traits he gets from both of them.
While I'm at it...I'd like to also welcome Stone Porter who's mom is just like me (we're twins)! and makes tater tots...he will ALWAYS eat well and laugh a lot...and I am guessing he'll be in some way involved in a marathon within a year.
Katelyn Brian was born to my old babysitter...and she is going to need the laid back sense of humor of her mom to deal with her older twin brothers...
And of course, welcome to Addie and Katie...these two are going to be endless laughs and fun - with their parents, it will be impossible NOT to be...
I'm so proud of all my friends who have recently become mommies (some twice, some again)...
Any babies scheduled for the second part of this year?!

For Ali - the secret to O.P.I. application

I've done extensive research on this subject and developed a method, no...a SCIENCE to making O.P.I. nailpolish work for me. Most likely a revolt against Ali telling me she doesn't like it after I threw out every polish I have that is NON-O.P.I. compliant, because it looks cooler that way;)

Step 1: clean, non-greasy nails -a must.
Step 2: O.P.I. Chip skip...one coat, giving an additional horizontal sweep across the top
Step 3: Don't add a basecoat as recommended, jump right into your creatively named hue...2 coats, 3 if you MUST, but make them light.
Step 4: Wait one minute and apply top coat.
I'm on day 4 with not a chip anywhere and I've done laundry, dishes, and ran my fingers through my hair.
Current Color: Make Love (Wishful thinking, boardering on Dillusional!)