Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Late, Late Show featuring...ME.

So I have this new habit...not sleeping. I would have rather picked up a nasty crack habit or a permanent cold sore than this particular habit...but it's been hanging out. I don't function well on less than...oh, we'll say 6-8 hours of sleep. I'm trying to be calm about it...I'll sleep when I need to. Then organic...childbearing years, my body is MADE to miss out on sleep right now. Then humorous...which is where this post was born. Laughing with my mom about what exactly is keeping me awake. Mind you I am employed, childless, unmarried but in a sickeningly healthy and wonderful relationship, and living with my mom at very low rent for the time being. Yes - things will be changing soon...but my brain seems to lack the understanding that it does not need to be figured out between 10p and 5am on any particular night....So here's an excerpt of the main event (i.e. the conversation between me, myself and I) recently. Hopefully some people (and by people I mean neurotic, probably-female, overanalytical freaks like myself) will identify or at the very least find entertainment in this...

"Hey there me, what's up? It's dark in here, but that light on the cable box is sure you think it keeps us up? Nah, it's been there for a while...well, maybe we should google it- mental note: google 'little bright green lights and their affects on sleep' tomorrow...wait, tomorrow, what's planned for tomorrow? Nothing. That doesn't sound right- wait yes, nothing. Well shit, I better enjoy it- a couple more years and I'll never have a milisecond of free time again...what am I gonna do when I have kids? What if I never sleep again once I do? What if I never have a free second? How do you poop? Will I leave the burner on? God! I am going to burn my children alive!! Maybe I should rethink parenting...but stupid people parent all the time. Damn IT, why couldn't I just be stupid?! Mental note- google those stoves that get cold the second you take the pot off tomorrow....SHIT! How am I going to afford one of those? Wait, we need a house first...that bank is LYING that we can afford a mortgage, why would they do that? So stupid! Bet they would make great parents! Wait, we need to go to Hawaii before we become parents...I HATE flying, how are we going to afford Hawaii? Wait...first we need to get married, how will we afford that?! How will I fit into a dress?! Who cares, I can't afford a dress anyways...ooh, good thing "Say Yes to the Dress" is on this late...How late is it in Hawaii? Could we just fly my wedding dress over there? Why aren't I sleeping? Ok, no problem, clock says it's just 2am. God! I hate that's ugly, I'll change it when we move...fresh start. Unless the place we find has a mold problem, do you KNOW how much that could cost?! Wait. No. I have no idea...mental note: Google the cost of fixing a mold problem. Man, this is going to be COSTLY - I don't have the money for a mold problem! Wait...I don't have the HOUSE for a mold problem. Go to SLEEP! Or don't, probably would be better not going to sleep at, you need to do some yoga...lets google yoga classes tomorrow..."

That, by the way, is the excerpt from about 2:03:35am to 2:04:27am.


Sarah Wood said...

Have you ever read that poem by Shel Silverstein about the what ifs? I love how children's poetry relates so directly to the absurdity of adulthood.

The Barry Family said...

Hi...I am checking in on your blog regularly and there have been NO updates. Not to mention, I have NO details about the proposal or any idea what your ring looks like. Hook a girl up, would ya?

Happy New Year!