Last night G and I went to Valley Fair. This is partially amazing because (clue 1) due to husbands, kids, work, and other such 'adultly' excuses we usually only go once around Christmas.
So far this year, we've been TWICE - pretty much best year ever! So we make (clue 2) appointments at the Benefits counter brow bar. Not to toot our own horns, but for a second visit you know your wit (aka loud shit talking) impressed the staff when they remember you 5 weeks later. Afterwards we try to go shopping, but figure we could be better inspired by some dinner and drinks. We end up (clue 3) in pretty much that same seats at the same bar in the same restaurant as each time that we've been.
After some wine and appetizer that (clue 4) we are both worrying about working off today, we head back up to the four stores we want to hit quick so we can (clue 5) get home at a reasonable time.
First store? Hot Topic. We used to love that place in high school. It UNDERSTOOD us, it SPOKE to our white, middle class rebelion like nothing (except Metallica and Jagermeister) ever had. Now I was walking in wearing (clue 6,7,& 8)a knit top, navy blue Ann Taylor cuffed slacks, and navy blue peep toe pumps...thank GOD I have a nose ring, or I would have never been let it at all!! But due to some liquid courage, we walked in like we owned "punk" and started going through shit and loving it! I got two shirts...one with the Playboy Bunny (kisses, Hef) and one that said, "You totally suck at life." See? I'm still funny in my old age.
I was looking too at the panties and got a little disturbed (clue 9) at the fact that there was something culturally alluring to female youth about have panties covered in pictures of razor blades, no pink, no contrasting cute polka dots or mysteriously poetic roses. I mean, I get the dark Angelina sexiness as much as the next person...but razor blades?! That's like the ghetto version of the dagger! Kind of how the paranormal is cool, schizophrenia isn't...you know? Whatever...maybe I just don't know anything anymore - but my first thought was (clue 10) what kind of message is THIS? Well, ultimately we got to the cash register (I probably could have pushed the clerk out of my own freaking uterus) and he asked if we had frequent shopper cards. I laughed, but nearly lost my shit when G did, in fact, have one. The funny part? The kid asked when it was from because he'd never seen that one...I guessed 1996....
(Bonus: Clue 11) G bought Jellies for her trip to Hawaii because they were so comfortable. When this isn't funny anymore we are really, REALLY old.
So I prescribe for myself some Matlock, a centrum silver, a good power walk, and 3-4 hours bitching about today's grocery store clerks.
1 comment:
Now you have the frequent buyer card at hot topic. That was some funny shit. Not only did I have one from 12 years ago but it was all filled out. On our way to turning 30 sucks but at least we have learned that enough drinks lets you act 14 years old and therefor allowed to shop there. We are dinosaurs.
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