Red Flags

Ok, so its been a bit since I've posted a dating disaster...not that I'm not still compiling AMPLE data, but nothing has panned out to a complete story yet. So stay tuned, story at 11 (notice, I don't say 11 on which DATE!)
But this flux of dating experience (outside of this too tight circle that I feel I've whirlpooled in for a few years) has caused some discussions about "RED FLAGS." Ones I didn't notice (or did, but ignored), ones we've all seen, ones that at least one of us has experienced or heard at least a 3rd person account of. Some sound ridiculous, some too simple, but you all know these...(and this list is going to be edited as time goes by...)

1. He doesn't call you (see previous dating experience with "happy thumbs") but instead only texts or chats. Inherintly, there's nothing wrong with texting or chatting, but men are lazy. If he can't make it easier on both of you by picking up the phone to see about making plans or ask how your day was, something's up. He's either not single, lying about something that his voice would give away, or a total social reject.

2. He makes the majority of his money illegally. You'd think this was a given, but its surprising how many people who have perfectly good jobs take up side work in the "resale" or "retail" businesses. People are going to find out, you're going to be involved or at least affected...leave it alone. Oh, plus for some reason, this makes guys think they are all around hard asses, and therefore more likely to try to get away with being a "player."

3. Possibly a subcatergory of the above "flag," but men who don't pay their taxes. None of us like them, most of us benefit from them in some way at some time. They're just a fact of life for responsible adults. If he doesn't pay them he's neither responsible or an adult. Again, he's also a guy who thinks he can get away with things - but he won't. And most likely he'll marry you and get his name splashed across your assets moments before he gets caught.

4. Horrible family relationships. Obviously no one gets along with everyone all of the time, BUT I'm talking about those who have cut large portions of family out of their lives. Or really even small. Someone like that is going to be willing to cut anyone out of their lives...doesn't see the importance of family...and won't see the importance of a new family if you create one. Also, this tends to indicate a long line of angry DNA...or even worse, abuse, mental illness, etc. Avoid it.

5. None of your plans include going out in public. Either he's totally cheap, lazy as hell, will get in trouble if he's seen out with a girl, doesn't want to be seen with you, or is running from the law. Really, none of these make for quality relationships, so don't wait to find out which one it is. If he wants to impress you, which he will if he likes you...he will want to come up with something creative for you two to do.

6. He doesn't have any friends. This is like not getting along with your family. Friends are your history, your support, your social network. If there either isn't a soul he has found that can spend time with him, or there isn't a soul he sees fit to spend time with, then why would you want to hang out with him. More importantly, if you become his only friend...he will want ALL your time. He won't understand why you two need to go socialize with YOUR friends, and they probably won't get along anyways. 2 is the lonlinest number...

7. His best friend is a girl...and she's also his roomate, workmate, and his sister's best friend. He's taken...basically married. She won't ever like you, she'll be on half your dates, she'll be there when you guys have a fight, she'll be there when you guys wanna have sex, and she'll be judging constantly. Double extra big flag if she sleeps in his bed, does all his grocery shopping, and organizes his meds. And when you guys break up (after she has a heart to heart about how you've changed him, aka made him less available to him) she'll be there.

8. He doesn't want to have sex with you. This could say a million things about him...but its what a girl believes it says about them that is going to be the problem. This will convince you that you are a direct desendant of Quasimoto and will slowly break down your self-esteem. Its impossible to feel okay when a man in the relationship doesn't want to have sex...and whatever it is that lead to it, will most likely also lead to dumpage shortly...

9. He's a cat guy. Guys should like dogs. Guys should want something strong, loyal, sweet, and personality filled. Also, men are less clean and cats can cause the most diseased, rancid smelling situation without constant upkeep. This argument is poor, but with 100% certainty, every guy I've dated who had a cat was a COMPLETE mental case.

10. He can't make plans more than an hour in advance. Don't listen to his crap about being spontanous, etc. He's waiting for something better to come along, and you're not it. He can have 6 jobs, 3 kids, and single handedly feed a city of poor...he schedules this stuff, and can and WILL schedule you if you're worth it to him.

11. Extreme Mama's Boy. Defined as a guy who's mommy does the majority of his laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, bill paying, decorating, etc. You're never going to measure up. Look up the madonna/whore dichotomy if you don't believe me.

12. (addition) No girl wants to admit it, but nearly everyone has some experience with it, so I'll take one for the team.... He's Married. It should be a given. It IS a given, but these guys can be so sweet and charming, and seem to be so forelorn. Just remember there are two side to every story. No matter how cold, distance, naggy, and demanding his wife is...she has a side too. Part of which turns out that her husband is unfaithful. And despite being all those things, he is still with her and will still be with her most likely long after you're gone. Either because a)she's the only one he ever really wanted, or b) he makes the decision to stay in a miserable situation for one reason or another. Either way, he's a big boy, its his choice, and you aren't going to save hime.


So, if I dated you, Geneen dated/married you, or my hairdresser heard about you...thank you for showing us the light.
Also thank you to my contributors...Geneen, Kaitlyn, Liz, and Susan.